I want to thank all of you for supporting and encouraging me in the writing of these letters to my unborn twin grand babies. To read the first one go to Little Fishies #1. The following is my second letter written at about the time the twins were still at the blastocyst stage. There is much to marvel and to think about in pregnancy and birth and these are some of my musings as to when the soul enters the body. I am humbled by my lack of spiritual and religious knowledge and find great joy in my need to wonder in grand motherly amazement. As I wrote this, I felt a strong connection to the earth, the heavens, and the spirit.
My Little Fishies,
Tonight, I wandered out to star gaze. The night air crisp, the sky an atramentous background for the sparkling stars and a whisper of silver heralding Milky Way. Welcoming thoughts of days ahead filled my head. Days or perhaps better yet nights, when we will sit together and your little heads will rest on my shoulder or lap while I recite the beautiful words of the most perceptive astronomy lesson of generations.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the sky so high,
Like a Diamond in the sky.
I pause as I try to look past the stars with my spiritual eye. I see little souls playing among the angels, seriously readying themselves to come to earth to the warmth of a mother’s womb and the rhythm of her heart beat. I think about you and your life lessons all being designed out there in a wonderful place that we poor mortals cannot see or understand clearly.
I think about souls and wonder at what magical moment God sends the spirit to join the body. Ironic isn’t it, that you, my grandchildren have this knowledge, and I, who would love to be a woman of wisdom, see only as it says in the bible, “through a glass darkly”. So for now, hold tightly to all you know of your lives before and your path ahead.
I do not know when the soul joins the body, but when I listen to my own motherly instinct from years past, I believe it is at quickening. That is the moment in time your mother feels a baby’s first stirrings; that bewitching moment in which you first tug at her heartstrings.
You will not be able to tell me if I am right. Your little memories of heavenly ways will diminish and fade. You will arrive into this bright new world with only your freshly-planned path, a vivid curiosity, a beautiful mind, and a healthy body. You will arrive to two mommies who love you and who will see that you grow strong. They will teach you the values and morals you need to complete your spiritual growth and above all they will love you unconditionally.
I quietly recite the rest of the nursery rhyme.
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wish
I wish tonight.
And with those words I look into the mystical night sky and send my wish sailing to the nearest star. Little Fishies, I wish when it is time for your souls to leave heaven, they come quickly, without hesitation, and with purpose. For you, body and soul combined, are loved and celebrated!