My son John has just added another check in my personal ” Needs to Enter Home for the Bewildered” column. I am not certain of the alloted number of checks before my beloved family takes action.

I know there is at least one check from a call earlier this month when this same son phoned to say, “Hello”. In fact that was about all he had time to say before I glanced out the window and saw the hawk. I immediately cut himoff with ” Hang on, I need to get Bob. There is an injured hawk in our backyard!” John hung on patiently while I went to find Bob and while Bob hurried out the back door. Within seconds he was back in sans injured hawk, but rolling his eyes and telling me in a rather loud voice that my hawk wasn’t a hawk at all. . . just a plant with one broken big leaf blowing in early evening desert winds. John on hearing this was rolling in laughter. In my defense, I explained that not only was it dusk, I had removed my contact lenses, and indeed, there was a hawk lurking around about a week earlier. Even over the phone, I could hear the check being made next to “Home for the Bewildered”.

So one check, no big deal! At least, I felt that way until yesterday, when this same son called and woke me from my afternoon nap. I explained that it took me so long to answer because first, I was asleep and secondly, in the fog of waking up, I thought the remote for the TV was the phone and no one was on the line. The phone kept ringing, which of course should have been a huge clue. In my defense, the phone and the remote are the same size and color.

Well we both had a good laugh and John was kind enough not to remind me of the hawk incident. However, about 15 minutes later I got a delightful e-mail from my daughter-in-law, Kym about the incident. So I know my little fiasco made it around at least two workplaces and now it seems only fair that I share it with the rest of the world through this post.

All of this goes to prove that in our family laughing with each other over our silly errors is an art. Sometimes, I wonder about my wisdom years ago when I encouraged this kind of humor by mentioning that some incident or other, would make a wonderful story to tell when they grew up.. Little did I know how this developing humor would turn and bite me in the butt. As for Kym, I didn’t raise her and cannot take credit for her delightfully perverse sense of humor. All I can say is that she is sooo treasured as a part of this crazy family.

Here is to the ability to laugh with each other and Oscar Wilde said it best, “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” and so are the little blips in the life of the “Not All that Bewildered . . . Just Befuddled.”

Here is Kym’s infamous e-mail and my best mother-in-law evil answer.

Remote vs. Phone

I have this gadget. It’s in my hand.
The phone is ringing. I’m picking it up.
I put the remote to my ear. Hello? Hello?
The phone is still ringing.
I am hitting the remote button labeled select
. But… THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING I
I look at the gadget, well it seems to have all the right buttons. It looks familiar.
Yes, this must be the correct gadget.
I’ll try the SELECT button a g a I n !!!!!
I put the remote to my ear. Hello? Hello? What?
THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING!
Why is the phone still ringing?
I look at the gadget, well it seems to have all the right buttons…
Crap…it d o e s have all the right buttons… for the TV!!!!
So where is the phone?
Oh thank God, the phone is still ringing!
She finds the phone. Answers it.
With a giggle this time, she answers…hello?
Well….hello son, you will never believe what just happened….
Who am I ? LOL

Kym,
Okay, did you just talk with your husband? LOL I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS TALKING TO THE REMOTE. Oh dear, the Home for the Bewildered is looming closer and closer. Think I will go back and finish my nap. Did anyone ever tell you two, it is not nice to laugh at the befuddled? If I hadn’t been this way all my lfie, I might worry.
Love to both of you.
Mom

The twins came, conquered our hearts. and left. Now the house is quiet. . . way too quiet and I miss the noise and excitement.

I highly value the trips Kristi makes with the twins to visit their Nana and Papa and I appreciate all her effort. I know it is not easy to travel with two babies and all the necessary paraphenalia. Yet this wonderful daughter does it without a word of complaint.

Kristi and I took the babies to the Base pool the first day that they were here. There is a little wading pool that was perfect for them to cool off in and then we stopped at our new Taco Bell for take-out so that we could bring it with us and have lunch with Bob who was holding down the home front.

Our second day, we just stayed at home and played with the babies. I loved watching the twins as they continue to thrive, to grow and to become more and more their own persons. Eric is making consonant sounds, and Danica is intent on being the first to walk. Both pull themselves up to a standing position and have mastered the art of crawling at rapid paces. They are wonderfully outgoing and have not developed a shyness for strangers. I like that they are trusting and fearless, and that the world as they know it, is filled with love.

The next morning Kristi loaded up the truck, but before she left for home we joined two of my dearest friends for a late morning breakfast. School in our district started that morning. All three of us are retired teachers and since retiring we have chosen to have a leisurely breakfast on the first day of school. It is our way of saying, “After all of our years in the classroom, we deserve to celebrate “Back to School” in this fashion.” For the last six years it has felt wickedly wonderful and just a little like playing hooky. This year, we were lucky enough to have Kristi and the twins join us. Like all grandmothers, I love showing off the babies to my best friends.

All good things must come to an end so Kristi and the babies headed home after breakfast and I tackled the laundry, straightened the house, and put all the things that she forgot into a bag . I will take them with me when I drive to Palmdale on Sunday.

I faxed the letter about changing Powerflex class to a Senior Class yesterday to the Base gym. (See my post of a few days ago called Cranky) I know everyone in last Wednesday’s class signed it and I was not at Monday’s class but a friend took it in for me and it looks like everyone from that class signed it, too. Now it is time to wait and see if anyone cares.

My thoughts go out to all who are living with the rains, or the heat, or the fires, that are plaguing the United States and the rest of the world.

Shhhh, It’s Millie’s birthday. Go over and leave a birthday greeting at My Mom’s Blog, but be very quiet. I am certain she is sleeping in this morning. She was out celebrating late last night and was seen dancing into the wee hours of the morning.

Millie was spotted at the local disco nightclub kicking up those 82 year old heels. Word has it that she and Donald Trump are the latest item. Don’t believe me? That’s okay . . . just click on this link to see for yourself.

MILLIE DOES DISCO

Way to go Millie. Happy Birthday

This came to me from my good friend, Tina in an e-mail this morning. Simply had to pass it on to all of you for two reasons. First, I think it is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time and secondly, Kristi and the babies are coming for a visit on Saturday. I plan to spend to day in the kitchen preparing meals that can be frozen and then microwaved when needed. This leaves little time to write a post, but will enable me to have her favorite family meals and still find time to spend with the twins.

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her? (I really liked this part!!!!)

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Do you understand what I am telling you - the part about her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” (Duh!) Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.”
(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.”
(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: ” Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.” ;

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?

PRICELESS!!

My turn to be a cranky old lady. I went to my Power flex (Weight Lifting) class this morning and it was announced that next month my beloved Power-flex will be replaced. I’ve been going to this class twice a week for nearly seven years and God knows, I hate change, so I was not a happy camper. To add insult to injury, it was also announced that the class replacing it would be a combination of cardio-vascular and weight-bearing exercise and it would be called “Senior Fitness” or some title with “Senior” in it.

The word Senior has a way of making me see red. To be honest I’m really quite hypocritical where the word is concerned. I don’t mind the senior discount at the movie theater or the senior menu at our local restaurant. I however, do not want it used to segregate the younger and middle aged from those of us over fifty-five. Even more so I do not want to be in a class made up of only older people. The class I am in right now is probably 75% over the age of 55, but it is open to everyone . Frequently, stay at home mothers of school age children pop by for a work-out in the morning. I find these young people a delight and frankly, it does my ego good, when I find that I am staying up with them.

I fear that if our gym manager continues in her desire to make the class a Senior Fitness program, it will mean the instructors will gear down to the lowest denominator. I have first time experience with this phenomena in teaching .

Years ago, our school went to ability grouping. Even the best teacher teaching students considered to be low ability, had difficulty in raising their own personal expectation of students and the one teaching the top group, had a tendency to raise the bar higher and higher. It is I am sure the nature of the beast and ability grouping is indeed a beastly concept in the school and in the gym.

So tell me, what is wrong if that at my mature age, I want the bar higher? What is wrong with striving to be more like the forty and fifty year olds and enjoying a little competition even if it is only in my own mind? Who says you have to round up all the old folks and put them in their own group? I have been around gyms long enough to know my strengths and my limitations. I am of a mature age and capable of making my own decisions.

My rebel-rousing skill has kicked in and I have a letter ready to go to Gym Manager, the head of MWR (Morale, Welfare, and Recreation,) and to the Base Commander. I will take it with me on Wednesday, and see if I can get others from the class to sign it. I know of at least two who will and I hope the rest will follow.

So wish me luck, I am out for bear and if that doesn’t work, I am out for beer and the heck with working out. LOL